Fertility Update

Well it sounds like this blog will be mainly dedicated to our fertility struggles until we move on from them. Cuz let's face it, this is about all that's going on with us right now. It has a way of taking over your entire life, there is not much else to think about or worry about while it is going on. So here are our updates. (sorry or the details :-) ) Since our last post I have been hard at work trying to get my stupid body to cooperate with me. Who ever thought that I would be desperate to have a period??? I never thought the day would come, but it came! I have been on awful drugs to try to get me to bleed so I can then take clomid and hopefully get pregnant. Well these pills made my life absolutely miserable for a couple weeks, with no results that I was looking for. But finally we had some success. Our first success sine the start of this all really. I hate that a success for us is hooray I am bleeding, and have cramps! ...... but thats where we are in our lives I guess. OH BOY! SO now I am starting to finally get pretty excited! I get to start taking my clomid on wednesday and hope that it works for us!!!! I am so so excited, and yet definitely trying to get myself prepared for disappointment as well. Even though I think I am ready for another negative pregnancy test, you just never are. Each one hurts more and more. So for now I will just try to stay positive and hope it works the first time!!!!!!! What I am definitely not looking forward to though is taking the stupid drug. From what I have heard Clomid really messes with you emotionally, physically, etc. I may turn crazy while taking them. I am a bit nervous for that but if it works then it is totally worth it. I havent exactly been very fun to be around lately anyway so why not be able to blame it on a pill right??? lol. Like what my doctor said when he perscribed it...... We only put you on it for 5 days a month for 3 months max so you and your spouse remember why you want to have a child together still. :-) Its going to be rough but I am ready for it, and have already apologized to family and friends in advance for what I may become.

I went out to lunch with an amazing friend this past week who is also going through fertility treatments. Her case is much more severe than mine but we definitely are feeling the same way about things. And she said something to the effect of .... I hate that our first child is basically a science experiment.. . . . Take this drug. Have sex on this day. Have blood drawn this day. Do this like this and that like that. . . . And it is so true. I wish so hard that Tom and I could just get pregnant like we should be able to. THere are far to many drugs, and tests involved that make it so emotionally and physically draining on you and your spouse. I no longer feel like myself! I am whoever all these drugs want me to be. And it is very hard on me. SO I am definitely hoping that we are nearing the end of this so I can be me again!!! I like me!!! I want me back!!!

So anyway, I will keep the next few days updated on here. We will see what happens. I am so excited that we are finally doing something, moving forward, instead of just waiting to act. Maybe this month will be the one for us!!!!! I am so so so so so ready to be a mommy!!! :-)