Friday, June 18, 2010

The waiting game

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I feel like all I ever do lately is wait. I'm always in a 'hurry up and wait' kind of situation. And it is getting very old!!!!! I know I just need to be patients and stay close to my Heavenly Father and everything will happen when it is supposed to. But that really is easier said than done. I have never been patient with anything!!!!!! So when it comes to something very important and so life changing I really am losing all patience really fast!!!!! I want it to be our turn now! I am have been very supportive of others and helped them when it was their turn. And I think it should be my turn!!!!! No more waiting, no more having no control over what happens, I just want life to start giving me what I want a little bit. i feel like I am always giving, and taking care of others, and doing everything I can to please others and make others lives happier and better. And I am happy to do it I really am. But I want to be selfish right now and have what I want!!! It hurts deep being around those that have what I want right now. I can'[t handle being around pregnant women anymore. It hurts to much! I can't hear about anymore stories of parents neglecting their children when all I want is a baby! I can't handle going to work everyday and having to keep track of the wellbeing of all my cute students and calling DCFS on their parents on a regular basis. I cant stand seeing those kids be taken away from thier undeserving parents!!! Why can these awful people have so easily what I am working so so so hard to have??? It isn't fair!!!!! What is so wrong with me that I don't get this blessing yet??

Anyway, sorry it has just been a very trying past few weeks!!! And I don;t want to wait anymore!!!! I am READY!!!!! And I shouldnt be being so selfish and wanting this so bad when I have so many friends who are dealing with such harder situations right now. My heart goes out to them just so hard! I cannot imagine what they are going through. I think it is all of our turns. We deserve this!!!!!!!

Friday, June 11, 2010


Tom and I are both in West Valley's production of Peter Pan playing this month!!! We are pirates! It has been so so so much fun to do a show with Tom! We are both just having a blast! Peter Pan is playing June 23rd-29th (no sunday performance) at 8:00 pm at the Utah Cultural Celebration Center (3100 S. and just East of Redwood Road) Tickets are $5.00 a person or $20.00 for a family. Groups of 10 or more can get in for $4.00 a person. Tom and I both have tickets now, or youc an buy them at the door. There are seats and also there is lawn seating. Hope to see you there! It is sure to be a very very fun show! our Hook and Smee are AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 7, 2010

A small victory

Well I survived my Clomid week from you know where. . . . BARELY!!!!! It was quite a bit more miserable than I was expecting it to be. I was sure I could control my emotions. NOPE!! Sure couldn't!!! And besides that I ws in lots of pain and was very sick and dizzy. It was a very good thing I didnt have to work for most of the five days though. What a blessing. Not only for me but for everybody else around me... except for Tom. He had to put up with me the whole time

But anyway I survived!!! :-) HOORAY!!! SO this week I have been taking ovulation tests again. not expecting any good results.. But I got a positive test today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SO SO SO SO excited!!! Clomid really does work for me! Great news! So maybe this month it will be our turn. We will see what happens I guess. At first I was jusst so overly excited, but then I started thinking about it lots and started to feel the realness of the situation, and felt that it really is coming soon. (Hopefully) SO now the anxiety and worry and doubt has started to come in. If we do get pregnant will I be able to carry it full term? Will we have a healthy child? Will I be a good Mommy?? I don't know what will happen, or if really anything will happen at all. SO for now I am just trying to not get my hopes up and just be happy that the clomid got my body working properly. That is my small victory that I am very very excited about. And again very nervous and filled with doubt about my abilities. I guess we will just see what happens and pray for the best. :)