A Break In!!!

This happened a few weeks ago and I just now realized I never blogged the story! How dare I! haha! So here it is.....
A few short weeks ago Tom left for work at about 10:30 and me being the exhausted pregnant wife I am I was staying in bed for as long as i could until I had to roll out of bed and go to work. or so i thought.... A few minutes after Tom left there was obnoxiously loud knocking at my door and the doorbell kept ringing. At the time I thought that the only person it could possibly be is my dear friend Chase. Even with that knowledge I had no intentions of answering the door! I was tired, had a headache, was in my garments, and had morning hair and breathe. But I thought I would just go to the peep hole and see who it was for sure. ....... it was not Chase!!! There were 2 Black men dressed all in Black knocking at our door. They kind of freaked me out but really at the time I just thought that maybe they just had the wrong apt. THey had a backpack with them so I thought that maybe they were students picking a friend up or something. Because a week prior we had a stranger come to our door while Tom was home and he was asking for a person that we did not know. So I was thinking it was just a simple mistake. but for all the reasons I listed above there was no way I was going to answer the door! So I went back to my bedroom in the very back of our apartment and planned to just wait out the knocking and ringing of the doorbell then go back to bed. After about 5 minutes they Finally stopped knocking! But then I heard a glass from my kitchen fall. (once again i wasn't to oncerned. I figured that by how hard they were knocking on the door that a dirty glass stacked in the sink had just fallen over. Not a big deal right?) Well right after that I started hearing some rustling out in the kitchen. I started to get nervous! But it would not have been the first time my imagination had gotten the better of me and I thought I was hearing things in our apartment. So I hid under my blanket being scared of what I was hearing but kept my eyes out of the blanket and looked toward my bedroom door. All of a sudden I see a Black gloved hand start coming around the corner into my bedroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER!!!!!!!!!!! That luckily spooked this creep so he took off down the hall. And after the initial scare and I saw him run away I got more pissed off than I have ever been in my entire life!!!!!!! I jumped out of bed! Grabbed my robe! And while putting it on I ran out my front door and around the corner where I saw him standing with a cell phone in his hand! I went balistic!!!!! I started chasing after him yelling things like "I DIDN'T ANSWER THE DOOR BECAUSE I DON;T KNOW WHO THE HECK YOU ARE!!!!!!! YOU BETTER NEVER EVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN YOU LOW LIFE!!!! GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!!!!!" etc. ANd I had a few explitives thrown in the mix as well! (now as a side note yes I am aware that chasing after him and cussing him otu was not the smartest thing I have ever done! But in my defense at this point my innocent self was still thinking that they were just looking for somebody and broke in to find her. stupid I know!!! I get smarter later!) So after he got far away from my barefooted and robed self I walked back to my apartment still fuming mad. When I walked into the apartment and looked in the kitchen I saw that our big kitchen window was WIDE open! The blinds were even up all the way! That is when it finally hit me that somebody had really broken into my apartment while I was home alone. I completely broke down!!!!!!!!! Started hyperventilating, shaking, crying etc. I ran back into my room and called Tom! (yes I know calling the police would have been the better option but I NEEDED MY HUSBAND!!!!!!! And I was still kinda thinking that they weren't trying to rob me but they were more innocent than that.) Luckily Tom answered and through many tears, and screams, and panicking I finally got the message through to Tom that something was very very wrong and he drove stright home while I stayed on teh phone with him. I was terrified to be alone at this point. There was no way I was hanging up with him! So when Tom got home he held me while I FREAKED OUT!!!!!!! Then when I could speak again I finally did call the cops. They came right away with 3 cops and 2 detectives stomping through the apartment, and the complex, and taking pictures and looking at the window and the damage to the stuff in my kitchen. The cops also told me that from now on I need to make my presence known just go to the door with it still closed and say who is it??? Then they most likely will make up a name of who they are looking for then leave. So i told him about the guy a week prior to that who kinda did that and they were convinced that we had been targeted since that guy talked to Tom a week before. Thats when it finally sunk in that I was almost robbed!!!!!It was such a traumatizing experience! I was so so shaken up for the rest of the day! I was getting ready to call in to work when they called me telling me that I had a new person to train. What are the odds. So my very frazzled self had to go to work and not only just go to work but train my new employee and try hard to look like a boss. Being home alone is SO hard for me now! It took a while til I could do it. Now I can but I am very jumpy and do not like it at all. And being in my bedroom is very hard as well! That is where I saw the man! HE CAME INTO MY ROOM!!!!!!! I am a wreck in my room which is no fun at all!!! I have cried many tears in my bed being so scared it was going to happen again and what happens when my scream doesnt stop him from coming into my room next time????? Most of the time I am doing pretty good with my anxiety over this because I do not want to be ruled my my anxiety. But sometimes I have an extremely hard time! This experience has really changed me! Luckily I have such a sweet husband that will wake up in teh middle of the night with me to go look around and make sure all is well and hold me til I calm down and can get some sleep.

Boy or Girl? That is the question!

I am getting more and more impatient by the day to find out if we are going to have a little girl or a little boy. I am starting to get nervous! Finally the big ultrasound date has been set! We will find out on Oct. 4th, I am SO excited! I made Tom promise me that we could at least go window shopping once we find out what we are having! I have been very good and have stayed away from the stores but that is going to change VERY quickly!
As I am sure the whole world knows by now I desperately want a little girl!!! I want to do her hair and buy adorable pink clothes, and put her in dance and all the other fun that goes along with little girls! But basically EVERYBODY is thinking I WILL be having a boy. What would I do with a boy!!!???? I have no idea! About 95% of ALL the problems I have at work are with my boys! They are ALWAYS in trouble, and I am ALWAYS meeting with their parents, and dealing with huge issues with them. Now of course it is not ALL of my boys. SOme of them are complete sweethearts and I love them to death. And when I look at their parents you can really tell why all my problem children are the way they are! (Their parents are my problem parents as well!) So I guess it really just does depend on the parents. Anyway sorry I am really going off on a tangent now.
I definitely do have my heart set on having a little girl! There is no denying that at all. SO my biggest thing I am worried about right now is how will I react if I find out in a few weeks that I am having a boy? Will I be disappointed? I sure hope not! When it comes right down to it I just want a healthy and happy baby. I just hope that I can be just as happy with a little boy as I think I would be with a little girl. I know in teh end I would be I just hope I don't walk out of our appt feeling disappointed. I want this baby to feel loved and wanted at all times! (Which peanut is loved no matter what!) So anyway the question is will we have a boy or a girl???????????????? I am still thinking pink :-)

FEELING HUMAN!!!

All the things I can do now that I couldn't do for the past 14 weeks! :-)

~Decide on something to eat in less than 2 hours. (Tom is grateful for this one)
~Not only be in my kitchen again, but can actually cook a meal!
~Stand up for longer than 5 minutes at a time (very useful for work!)
~Use the restroom like a normal person! (Sorry TMI hehe)
~Go longer than 15 minutes between potty trips
~Go an entire day without having to take a 2 hour nap
~See my tummy growing! (probably just looks fatter to the world but I can tell a difference)
~Leave the house
~Not be a nervous wreck that something is wrong with my baby
~keep my emotions in check
~Sleep lying down (though I am sure that one wont last for long so I will enjoy it while I can)
~Feel like a human again!!! ;-)

Hooray!!! i like this second trimester thing! I definitely is workinga lot better for me! And I will just enjoy it for as long as it lasts!! 14 weeks down, 26 to go! Hooray!!!!!!!!

Need. To. Vent. (Long boring venting session SORRY)

Well like I said i really need to vent! But before I start whining and complaining I must first start off by saying that I am aware that I do have many blessings in my life that I should be counting instead of complaining........ but i'm human people and every once in a while a girl has got to vent right??? hahaha

Tom and I are stuck in a very very tight money situation right now that I don't see any true end in sight really!! It definitely did not help that since I work at an elementary school I had about a month off from working. .... We thought we would survive it just fine! But NO!!!!!!! I am SO sick of money issues!!! The thing that really is hard on me right now is because I am pregnant! It is hard to make the decision between food and gas when I know I need to keep feeding this baby and I need to be taking my pre natals etc. But whats more important? Food and pills? Or gas so TOm and I can work to hopefully turn our situation around, and paying our bills?? If it were just for my benefit it would be easy but I am effecting another little innocent persons life right now to and I cant be a good mommy to this little peanut right now! I am starting to feel like a bad mommy already because I cannot provide for my baby the way I would like to! And even if and when we do get caught up a little again is it really enough?? no it's not at all!! i want TOm to go back to school and get a career not a job anymore. But its hard to go back to school when you still owe for past semesters that you cant pay for right??? So really I just feel like we are trapped in this neverending cycle and it is very frustrating! And I am now freaking out because we now know for sure that we cannot under any circumstances afford me taking lots of time off to have this baby!!! SO now we are looking for a second job for Tom, or I will have to go back after just a few short weeks of having my precious baby! I know everybody has money problems and many are much worse off than we are. So sorry for the complaining. I am just completely freaking out!!! And just feel like we are losing, and really just feel like a bad mother!! (and my child isnt even here yet!!!)

One thing that is helping me right now though is the lesson we had in Sunday school today about the story of Job and how we all have problems but we just need to turn ourselves to God and all will be ok. I am trying to internalize that and do that, but it's hard!!! What does one do when your pay check is barely enough to cover rent but absolutely nothing else for teh next two weeks? do you pay your tithing on that?? I know the right answer is yes, but I don't know how to be quite that faithful I don't think. It is really hard!!! i dont like feeling stuck. I kinda feel like we are damned if we do and damned if we dont.

Anyway sorry again for the venting session!!! Once again I am aware that there are so many more people out there that are so much worse off than we are and really I have no reason to complain ever! This is just a good place for me to get these thoughts and feelings out sometimes. Sorry to always get so personal with my posts! haha! I'm not a very good blogger! :) Also I am absolutely not looking for sympathy or anything along those lines ever!!! Tom and I love eachother and we will always find a way to get through our trials together!this is just a good place for me to get my thoughts and feelings out so I can understand how I am feeling really. I make more sense to myself after it is typed out. Sorry to subject you all to the inner workings of my brain as well! haha

I know things will get better someday, that day is just not coming as quickly as I would like. but it is not going to happen on my timeline ever. I just wish i didnt have to constantly be stressed to the max over money!! As I am sure many of you feel the very same way at times!!! DOWN WITH MONEY!!!!!!!! hahaha

11 week ultrasound :-)

We went in for our first Drs. Appt. yesterday and it was great!! My doctor is super nice and I liked her a lot! But even more important, we got an ultrasound of our little peanut!!!!!! We had an ultrasound done at 6 weeks which was cool because we could see the heartbeat! but it didn't look anything like a baby at all! So to see the baby just 5 weeks later and see all the parts of our baby it was amazing!!! Right as our dr. started the ultrasound we saw the baby waving to us. It looked like the baby was saying, "Hi Mom and Dad! I'm ok so stop worrying!" I instantly felt better! I was terrified of going in for this appt! I was so worried that something was wrong but just with that little wave I knew everything was fine and I couldn't be happier!!!

10 Weeks! And so blessed to have Tom! :-)

I have made it to 10 weeks! A quarter of the way through! I feel so so blessed to have this little miracle living inside of me! Even though I am almost constantly sick, and constantly searching for the one food I can eat that day that will be ok on my tummy, and even though I am always in search of the nearest restroom, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life! I cannot say it enough, I feel so so so blessed to have this happen to Tom and I!

Tom has been so incredible throughout this whole experience so far! I don't think he has any clue how much I appreciate him, and how amazing he is as a husband! He has done everythinng in has power to help me be comfortable, and feel the very best I possibly can each and every day. He has learned how to cook a lot more since my stomache wont let me right now. He never complains, he is always looking out for me and the baby, and understands thst I cant do everything I used to be able to do,a nd he is okay with that. He is learning all he can now about pregnancy and babies, you can tell he is trying to be the best daddy he can be. And I know he will be absolutely amazing!!! Just seeing him with his neices and nephews you can tell he will be an amazing daddy! I love watching him hold and take care of his little baby nephew and seeing how much love he has for those little ones. He will be an incredible father, I have no doubt in my mind. And I cannot wait to watch him turn into a father!! He is amazing, and I am so so grateful everyday to have him in my life.

I am so excited that everything in the pregnancy has been going so well so far. And I am hoping that the next 30 weeks go just as well. I have my first official Drs. Appointment next Friday and i am so excited to hear the heartbeat again, and so excited to hear how everything is going!!!! I am so blessed thst I got a "Cheater" Ultrasound at 6 weeks. It has made me feel so much better to know that the baby is healthy so much sooner than most people get to find out. It has made everything so much easier. Bring on the sickness and the fatigue and everything else. it doesn't matter!!!!! I have a loving husband, and a healthy baby growing inside of me. Life is good!!!!!! :-)

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well it's all basically in the title. WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After months and months of heartache, not knowing, and worrying we are finally pregnant and could not be happier!!!!! So far everything is looking really good and we are for sure counting our many many blessings everyday! Since we ran into so many problems to get pregnant they are keeping me at the reproductive care center for a while longer so they can monitor me closely. Which I am so so so grateful for! We have already been in twice and next Thursday we get to have an ultra sound. I will only be a little over 6 weeks pregnant and they say they will already be able to hear a heartbeat. I am SO SO SO SO SO excited!!!!! Now looking back I am so so grateful for everything we went through to get to this point. It has made me appreciate everything so much more, and is getting me the best care possible. I still just cannot believe that I am pregnant! It is so weird to me that there is a little human growing inside of me. What a wonderful feeling it is.
Now for all my dear friends that are still going through the heartache and not knowing my heart goes out to you! We all get our time! I am so grateful that it is my turn! And I know it will be your turn as well someday. Love you all!!!!!!!
So far everything is looking fantastic! Hopefully things will continue to go so well for us and for the precious baby that is growing inside of me. We are so so happy!!!!!!!!! Good things come to those who wait! :-)